There is a whole...thing right now in Hollywood. Remakes of respected properties, coming at us left and right. Predominatly based on horror films, but even true classics like Captain Blood are not immune. And I can't say I'm totally against it.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm wary about every new project that gets announced. They are currently remaking some of my favourite movies. And some of the news sounds grim. Will Smith in Oldboy? Really? You know what, though? I still have Oldboy on my shelf, nothing they can do will replace that. Same with all the other remakes. And you know what? Maybe some of them will be good.
The Thing, The Fly, The Blob. All excellent films, one could argue even better than the original. That alone justifies the remake craze, at least creatively. It's also a little interesting to see someone else's take on a subject, even if it's contrary to your own. It's a conversation piece, something a fan (hopefully) did to portray how the original affected him, and maybe make an audience feel the same way.
One thing that has me worried is the seeming lack of new material. They're effectively eating themselves. They'd rather rehash old ideas, and rush them out. Which negates what I said about remakes being fans work. They'll hire any old someone for the job, and push it out to make a quick buck. And they do it, cause it works. There's a reason that most of the remakes are of horror films. Typically, it's cheap genre to construct films in, particularly in the case of the movies made in the 70's and 80's. They can quadruple the budget, get some hot TV actors to star, and still make a bundle. It's been that way since they decided that chain and saw should be one word. All of this means, that truly original works and ideas are being pushed under the rug. Why risk money on something new when you have an established brand you can milk. That's why movies like Repo! struggle to even get released and Friday the 13th gets it's own panel at Comicon. What happens when everything's been remade (sometimes twice over, in the case of The Thing)?
The other trend I'm seeing which bothers me is remaking foreign films that have only jsut been released. For half the budget of Quarantine, they could have done a wide release of Rec. and done a killer marketing campaign. And next one up is Let The Right One In. I like Matt Reeves. I thought Cloverfield was a great first movie and am eager to see what he does next. I'm not even against him remaking LTROI eventually. But the original has barley been released here, and had no marketing. It could have been this year Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, or Pan's Labrynth. Why not trust audiences? On that note, why not re-release the older originals as well. Hype them up, put billboards up. Get the cast on talk shows. I'm sure John Carpenter and Kurt Russell would have a blast promoting a real re-release of The Thing. Get the surviving cast of The Day The Earth Stood Still in front of the press. You have quality movies just sitting there, begging for a new audience.
Which brings me to another reason I'm pro-remake. It alerts a usually ignorant populace to a property they may not have heard of. And the original tends to get a nice DVD release at the same time. I'm sure most people who saw I Am Legend didn't bother hunting down The Last Man On Earth, but I'm equally sure others did. And maybe those people told some friends about it. It adds up, and a bunchy of people may have discovered a bunch of classics that they love because Will Smith wanted a new star vehicle.
I guess what I'm trying to say in all of this, is that I'm caustiously optimistic about remakes. Some are actually good, even great. Sure, a lot stink, but even in those ones there may be some good to come out of it. I just wish Hollywood, and people in general, would trust new talent and new ideas, cause in 20 years, we're really going to be in a pickle.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Why Twilight Sucks (And Not In The Vampiric Sense)
So Twilight made 70 million dollars this weekend. And it sucks. This is nothing new, Sex and the City was a crime against both eyes and art, and now it's getting a trilogy. And before I get too deep into my criticism, I will give it this. It made geeky fanboys out of the crowd that ridiculed us most. Camping out, lining up around the block, as big a crowd at Comicon as Watchmen? Girls, you are nerds. *one of us, one of us*
Anyway, so, by now everyone knows about Twilight. Girl movie to small town, runs it with devastaingly attractive emo boy in science class, turns out he's a vampire. They can't be together because he kinda wants to eat her. But they are in LOVE. He's mysterious and intense, but really a good boy, doesn't want to do anything inappropriate. He's, like, totally perfect.
Except he's not a vampire. Now I know I can be pretty strict with my mythological creatures (zombies DO NOT run), but I can take bit of creative license, But seriously. What makes him a vampire. He has no fangs. He doesn't sleep in a coffin. He doesn't even sleep. Which doesn't matter cause he can go out in broad daylight. He lives off animals, and refuses to kill humans. Even though he really, really wants to. That's not being a vampire. That's being mentally unstable. Sure, he's immortal and hard to kill and glitters in daylight. But so's Clancy Brown in Highlander. Would covering the Kurgan in glitter make him a vampire? I thought not But it will still be awesomer than Edward Cullen.
As for the romanticism, that just leads me back to that mentally unstable thing I mentioned earlier. He's romantic because he keeps professing his desire to feast on Bella's vital fluids? Actually, let's go back. He shouldn't be going near any of her bodily fluids, vital or otherwise. He's ninety years old. He may look young, but he's a victim of the influenza epidemic. And he just keeps going to high school, over and over again. That's creepy and a little disgusting. Why does he keep going to school? He never interacts with anyone. He just hangs out with his faux brothers and sisters and looks pretty in his oh-so-tragic wardrobe and beautiful cars. So much for discretion. And everyone knows that high school sucks. I'm sorry, but it does. It's 4 years of stupid bullshit, that doesn't really matter in the real world. I was the farthest thing from cool in high school, and now I'm a goddamned filmmaker. I'm the same person, but in the real world my quirks and eccentricities are a good thing, despite what high school would have had me believe.
Wow, that was kind of bitter. Back on point. Edward also follows her around, into the city and in super protective. If I followed my girlfriend everywhere and refused to let her look after herself, I would dump my own ass on her behalf. Granted he does save her from almost certain rape, but that's just common decency. If anyone has to the power to do that, and doesn't they deserve to have to be forced to read this tripe for eternity. Lastly, he sneaks into her room and watches her sleep. What. The. Hell. Someone who wants to eat you and is constantly fighting not to, watching you sleep, all night. That is scar If any one of the girls who swoon after Edward actually had to deal with that, they would freak. And then their parents would come in, and things would get messy, and out of control .
And all of this in generic boring writing. I mean, there are literally pages of Bella mooning over Edward's eyes. And not a full chapter without mentioning Bella is a klutz. I won't even get into the heavy handed anti-Catholic Mormon allegory side of it. Well, maybe a little. Edward is a super good boy, with all his family of non-vampires and rejects most of what makes a vampire a vampire and keeps with a strict moral code. Including, among other things, no tongue kissing. This displeases the ancient order of vampire, that happen to be based in Rome.
Lastly, they made a movie of the whole mess. Which could have stripped out the more annoying parts. Like Bella's constant inner monologue. But they didn't. There are documentaries with less narration. They got a cast destined for reality TV, at least one of which can only get real work with the director of the movie. I had high hopes for Kristen Stewart, but alas. Funnily enough, the only one I don't hate in Pattinson, because he actually seems to be in on the joke. He almost didn't audition because he felt the role was too narissistic, and argued with Stephenie Meyers constantly. Which I approve of. Plus, the movie is going to distract from more deserving movies in theaters. How many people are going to see JCVD, or Synechode, New York? Slumdog Millionaire, or Milk. God forbid they go see Let The Right One In, a brilliant, beautiful, funny, heartbreaking movie about a young boy who falls in love with a girl. A girl who happens to be a vampire. Any one frame of that movie has 10 times the artistry and craft of all of Twilight. And they did it without changing the rules. They respected the mythos, and stuck to it. And no one will see it cause it's Swedish, and the vulgar masses would rather not read and watch at the same time.
In conclusion, Twilight is a pox on literature and a slap to the face of legitimate horror, and romance. It's a summation of more or less all that's wrong with modern cinema, and most of the young adult culture at large. I know this probably comes across as a bitter rant, but I have argued long and hard for the legitimacy of horror and pop culture in general, and I needed to have my feelings known.
OH!!!!! I JUST GOT IT!. Twilight sucks, but not vampirically. Just like how the characters aren't really vampires. It's all a meta-narrative about irony. It's like ray-hee-ain on my goddamed wedding day.
Anyway, so, by now everyone knows about Twilight. Girl movie to small town, runs it with devastaingly attractive emo boy in science class, turns out he's a vampire. They can't be together because he kinda wants to eat her. But they are in LOVE. He's mysterious and intense, but really a good boy, doesn't want to do anything inappropriate. He's, like, totally perfect.
Except he's not a vampire. Now I know I can be pretty strict with my mythological creatures (zombies DO NOT run), but I can take bit of creative license, But seriously. What makes him a vampire. He has no fangs. He doesn't sleep in a coffin. He doesn't even sleep. Which doesn't matter cause he can go out in broad daylight. He lives off animals, and refuses to kill humans. Even though he really, really wants to. That's not being a vampire. That's being mentally unstable. Sure, he's immortal and hard to kill and glitters in daylight. But so's Clancy Brown in Highlander. Would covering the Kurgan in glitter make him a vampire? I thought not But it will still be awesomer than Edward Cullen.
As for the romanticism, that just leads me back to that mentally unstable thing I mentioned earlier. He's romantic because he keeps professing his desire to feast on Bella's vital fluids? Actually, let's go back. He shouldn't be going near any of her bodily fluids, vital or otherwise. He's ninety years old. He may look young, but he's a victim of the influenza epidemic. And he just keeps going to high school, over and over again. That's creepy and a little disgusting. Why does he keep going to school? He never interacts with anyone. He just hangs out with his faux brothers and sisters and looks pretty in his oh-so-tragic wardrobe and beautiful cars. So much for discretion. And everyone knows that high school sucks. I'm sorry, but it does. It's 4 years of stupid bullshit, that doesn't really matter in the real world. I was the farthest thing from cool in high school, and now I'm a goddamned filmmaker. I'm the same person, but in the real world my quirks and eccentricities are a good thing, despite what high school would have had me believe.
Wow, that was kind of bitter. Back on point. Edward also follows her around, into the city and in super protective. If I followed my girlfriend everywhere and refused to let her look after herself, I would dump my own ass on her behalf. Granted he does save her from almost certain rape, but that's just common decency. If anyone has to the power to do that, and doesn't they deserve to have to be forced to read this tripe for eternity. Lastly, he sneaks into her room and watches her sleep. What. The. Hell. Someone who wants to eat you and is constantly fighting not to, watching you sleep, all night. That is scar If any one of the girls who swoon after Edward actually had to deal with that, they would freak. And then their parents would come in, and things would get messy, and out of control .
And all of this in generic boring writing. I mean, there are literally pages of Bella mooning over Edward's eyes. And not a full chapter without mentioning Bella is a klutz. I won't even get into the heavy handed anti-Catholic Mormon allegory side of it. Well, maybe a little. Edward is a super good boy, with all his family of non-vampires and rejects most of what makes a vampire a vampire and keeps with a strict moral code. Including, among other things, no tongue kissing. This displeases the ancient order of vampire, that happen to be based in Rome.
Lastly, they made a movie of the whole mess. Which could have stripped out the more annoying parts. Like Bella's constant inner monologue. But they didn't. There are documentaries with less narration. They got a cast destined for reality TV, at least one of which can only get real work with the director of the movie. I had high hopes for Kristen Stewart, but alas. Funnily enough, the only one I don't hate in Pattinson, because he actually seems to be in on the joke. He almost didn't audition because he felt the role was too narissistic, and argued with Stephenie Meyers constantly. Which I approve of. Plus, the movie is going to distract from more deserving movies in theaters. How many people are going to see JCVD, or Synechode, New York? Slumdog Millionaire, or Milk. God forbid they go see Let The Right One In, a brilliant, beautiful, funny, heartbreaking movie about a young boy who falls in love with a girl. A girl who happens to be a vampire. Any one frame of that movie has 10 times the artistry and craft of all of Twilight. And they did it without changing the rules. They respected the mythos, and stuck to it. And no one will see it cause it's Swedish, and the vulgar masses would rather not read and watch at the same time.
In conclusion, Twilight is a pox on literature and a slap to the face of legitimate horror, and romance. It's a summation of more or less all that's wrong with modern cinema, and most of the young adult culture at large. I know this probably comes across as a bitter rant, but I have argued long and hard for the legitimacy of horror and pop culture in general, and I needed to have my feelings known.
OH!!!!! I JUST GOT IT!. Twilight sucks, but not vampirically. Just like how the characters aren't really vampires. It's all a meta-narrative about irony. It's like ray-hee-ain on my goddamed wedding day.
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