October 4th, 2010 - The Rig

Fuck. This. Movie. I know I said I was itching for some terrible DTV horror, but this was too far. I also said that I was tired of movies ripping off the formula from Aliens. Ripping off Alien isn't much better. Some might even call it worse. Here are 10 reasons why you should not waste your time.

10. The creature was made with costume materials found at your local drug store. Seriously, it looks awful.

9. It's a 30 minute movie stretched to 94 minutes. There's more stock footage than a bad nature documentary, and some of the slowest transitions I've ever seen.

8. It has no idea who the real character is. And neither do I. The movie switches focus between two or three people, which means I have no idea who will actually make it to the end. It also means I don't care.

7. It's poorly edited. They actually fade out and back in during a conversation. Some shots are hardly on screen for a second before fading to black. Continuity errors abound and don't even think about trying to follow eyelines.

6. It's also poorly shot. It ignores the line of axis, and the entire thing seems underlit by a full stop. The action is all shot the same and it's impossible to tell whats going on. Not to mention some shots are just plain out of focus.

5. The acting is embarrassing. William Forsythe is the only actor of note, and he just seems bored. This says a lot, because I've seen him in movies almost as bad as this one but in those he's trying.

4. The writing is terrible. The writer tries his hand at Tarantino-esque banter but comes up with stuff that a student would have been ashamed of. A high school student at that.

3. What little blood and sex are there sucks. All the kills are the same and you don't really get to see them anyway. There's a bit of nudity, but boringly shot and not that attractive either.

2. I wasn't kidding when I said it rips of Alien. The drilling company is named Weyland. The logo is even a ripoff of the Weyland-Yutani from the Alien franchise. I wonder if Fox knows?

1. I'm just going to stop here. The filmmakers didn't this much effort into the movie, I'm not going to in my review. I'm all for people livign the dream and making movies. And I'm happy for them that they got distribution, but this kind of film just dilutes the market and takes the shine off of really great DTV films like Timecrimes or The Tournament. So I can't really feel guilty. That said, if you feel you must support them, then by all means rent it. By the looks of the end product, 5 or 6 rentals should get them their budget back.